Terrible
by CinamonRolls
Summary: If someone asked Touka to choose one word to describe her life, she would choose 'terrible'. Touken.


If someone asked her to choose one word to describe her life, she would choose "terrible". Why?

* * *

Kirishima Touka didn't remember her mother. She couldn't remember her mother's face, nor her voice. Her father, who she loved very very much, who promised her that he would return, never return to her house. He was dead. Kiled by the CCG. And by now, probably turned into a suitcase.

After realizing her father won't come back, and after she learned that the neighbour who her father always gave food, who her father was very kind to, betrayed them, she fled with her remaining family, her brother. The brother whom her father made her promised to protect.

She never come back to that house

Life was rough at that time. They weren't safe. Either from CCG and ghoul alike. They moved from one ward to another. She had to fight really hard to keep her brother safe. Also to keep her promise with her father.

When Yoshimura found and took them to Anteiku, a place she could call home, life was a bit easier.

She tried to live a normal life. As normal as a ghoul can. She went to school, she had frieds, she had her bestfriend, Yoriko.

She was happier.

But her brother didn't share the same thought as her. He thought it was disgusting to live like a human. Human who betrayed them. Human who hunt them down. So, he left Anteiku. He left her. She couldn't keep her promise.

She grieved. How could she not? The brother who she fought so hard for, the brother who she really loved, her only family left, left her. She felt alone.

No. Lonelier.

But life goes on, and she had to move on, to keep living.

Then she met Kaneki. She didn't like him at first. He was clumsy. He was too shy. He was weak. He wasn't a human. Nor a ghoul. But he tried really hard to become strong. He wanted to protect who were dear to him. That was what made her admired him. Even just a little bit. Plus, he was really kind to her. To everyone. So, after she saw how he helped Hinami, how he was willing to be bitten by her to save their lifes, how he really cared for his bestfriend, his endless kindness, she started to warm up to him.

And wihout realizing it, she fell for him. Slowly, but surely.

She was even happier than before.

And then Aogiri came. With Ayato. That damned brother turned out to join that organization after he left her.

She was so heartbroken to hear he no longer call her 'onee-chan',and how he beat her up. He was no longer the little brother she knew. He was colder, but stronger. She tried to fight back, but she couldn't. Because of the nagging voice in her head that kept saying 'Don't. He's your brother. Your only family.'

They took Kaneki. God knows what they've done to him.

And then she saved him with the people at Anteiku. She was so glad to see Kaneki. But then she realized something. He has changed. His eyes were colder. His hair was snow-white.

And he left them.

She felt that feeeling again. The one that she felt when her brother left. Sorrow

Again, she tried to move on.

She tried to keep living on with the hole, the big gaping hole, on her heart.

She lived with Hinami. Hinami made her sorrow lessen, and she felt like she had a little sister. A person who could made her smile, who could make her forget her pain even just for a short time.

Afer Kaneki left, she heard he regularly came to Anteiku. Only when she wasn't there. She was mad.

When she saw him leaving Anteiku, she chased him. She asked him why did he leave. But his answer only made her even madder. It was just his selfishness. Because he wanted to protect them. Because he didn't want to be left alone. So she punched him. Hard. She said he should't come back to Anteiku.

Oh, how she regretted saying that.

As if her tragedies weren't enough, the doves came for Anteiku. The people at Anteiku purposedly made her stay away from there. Ther fought risking their lives. Even Kaneki came.

But neither of them coming back.

And the place she called home was flatten to the ground, burned. Turned into ashes.

Even Hinami left her for Aogiri tree. The damned organization that took Ayato and Kaneki away from her. The one that haven't leave her only Yomo and that shitty Nishiki. She even secretly cared about that shitty Nishiki's well-being because she didn't have anyone left except them. She had to cut her ties with Yoriko.

But even though Kaneki was missing (she didn't want to believe he had died), she believed that Kaneki will come back to Anteiku.

She had faith in him

Now, two years later, she has her own coffee shop named :re. She tried to continue on living, while still waiting for Kaneki's return.

And when she met him again at :re, he could't remember her. She was confused. So she talked with him. His name was Sasaki Haise now. He was a ghoul investigator. A dove. How ironic.

When she lend him her handkerchief because he cried while drinking the coffee she made (she thought 'was that coffee really terrible?'), she gave him a smile. A sad one.

But she saw that he was smiling, laughing with the people he went to the coffee with. He looked happy. And she decided, that she will let him go. She was glad he couldn't remember his terrible past. She was glad to see him happy.

She ignored the ache she felt on her chest.

So, when Uta asked her what will she do, she answered "I will keep doing what I decided to do."

But, if he lost on his way home, she will welcome him with open arms in here, in :re.

* * *

"It's been terrible for me since I was born."

Terrible because she was born a ghoul.

Terrible because the people she cared, loved left her one by one.

Terrible because she could only watch them leave without doing anything.

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Thank you for the people who read this fanfinction! Please kindly review my story so I can improve my writing 3 I'm sorry if you find grammar mistakes and typos.


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